somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
