These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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