This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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