You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
