dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
