I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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