There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
