My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
