cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
