I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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