I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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