Small penises have feelings too.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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