Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
