My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
