My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
