i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
