My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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