i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
