woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
