i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
