I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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