I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize