I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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