atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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