did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
