I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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