make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
