True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
being pregnant is like rehab
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
