i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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