We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
