They should really pass out barf bags in church
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
