Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
