I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
