chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Church boner. Awkwardddd
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
