I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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