I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
