We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My breasts were aching with rage.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
