I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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