i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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