She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
