i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
