Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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