Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
