we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
