If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
