I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
