Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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