I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
