A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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