ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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