The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
why do cheetos always look like penises
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
