Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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