Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
