I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
