There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
