your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
