My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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