Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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