oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
