Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
