I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
God I need to hump something, right now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
