Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
