Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
