Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
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