please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
