She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
