how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
